Fighting to Survive

What’s your “Why?” That’s a question I faced during a therapy session. I’ll share my discovery through a deeply personal story. Let’s explore the concept of finding one's 'Why' and how that can be a transformational moment along with the emotional journey of seeking authenticity and self-awareness. We’ll discuss the challenges women face in balancing mental health, spirituality, and personal growth while grappling with a depth of emotions.

This episode emphasizes

·  Embracing your true self

·  Recognizing your current state

·  Aspiring to authenticity

·  Moving beyond survival mode to a more fulfilling life

Time Stamps

00:00 Introduction: The Therapy Session

01:22 Welcome to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity

02:22 The Bombshell Revelation

04:11 A Moment of Realization

05:31 The Journey to Authenticity

05:59 Defining Yourself Beyond Roles

08:50 Creating a Safe Space for Women

09:58 Defining the Podcast's Purpose

11:24 Conclusion and Next Steps

RESOURCES

Mental Health Resources

·  Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

Ph: 988

Website: https://988lifeline.org/

·  Psychology Today

Website: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us

·  National Institute of Mental Health

Website: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/

Sexual Violence Resources

· RAIIN

Ph: 800.656.HOPE (4673)

Website: https://rainn.org/

Substance Abuse Resources

·  U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Website: https://findtreatment.gov/

·  Alcoholics Anonymous

Website: https://www.aa.org/

· Al-Anon Family Groups

Website: https://al-anon.org/

CONNECT WITH ME

Join my fan page at FanList.com/CoffeeCocktailsClarity and share your thoughts on this episode, ask questions, or share your story. 

Shai Boston on IG: https://www.instagram.com/shaiboston/

Shai Boston on Threads: https://www.threads.net/@shaiboston

Shai Boston on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ShaiBostonLLC

 
Credits

Instagram Stitch: @the_holistic_mystic

Editor: Payton Cross

Transcript

Shai Boston: 0:00

"Why?" She asked,"Why are you here in therapy?" And I said, because I wanted to get myself together spiritually, mentally, and physically. I can't lose the weight if I don't get rid of the emotional trauma and baggage. And not having my mental health together is impacting my spiritual life. And once again, she says,"Why?" Why... what?" I'm asking. And she goes,"Why do you have to do all those things?" And I said,"Because I need to, I don't want to lose everything that I've worked for. I'm spiraling and I'm putting everything that matters to me at risk my health, my spirituality, my business, my marriage." She goes,"But why do you need to do any of that?" I was dumbfounded. I was like, I don't know." And she goes,"Those are not your Why's. They are your motivations. You may not know your why just yet. But that's okay. We'll uncover it together." And then I made an admission to her that I was keeping to myself, and that was, What if my"Why's" don't even motivate me?" And then my therapist, dropped the bombshell.

1:24

Hi ladies, I'm Shai, and I'm so excited to welcome you to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity. As a woman navigating my own journey, I've experienced the ups and downs, the triumphs and challenges that come with being a woman in today's world. I created this podcast as a space for us to have authentic conversations and connections to share stories and inspire each other. Let's break down barriers, celebrate our successes and support one another on this journey together. So... take a sip, sit back and let's have a chat.

Shai Boston: 2:06

Today, I'm sipping on some white zinfandel, while I reflect back on that fateful day. So I'm going to take a sip. Hmm. And now let me finish the rest of the story. As I sat in my therapist office on the edge of a cliff that I desperately was trying not to go over, I was perplexed... I just didn't understand what does she mean,"those aren't my why's" like, why is that everything that's important to me simply isn't important enough for me to do something about was my concern. Like, why is this not motivating me? Why don't I feel the need to do these things? Why? Why? WHY? Then she dropped the bombshell. Right now, you're just existing. You're just fighting to survive." I don't know if my breathing stopped or the air just decided to grab hold of my throat, but I couldn't breathe anymore. I was literally, choked. I had wet eyes, but no tears were falling. And then she goes and we'll leave it here for the day." And I'm sitting there, like,"Are you kidding me right now?" Like, I was like full-blown ticked off because I'm like, how are you going to open this Pandora's box and leave me to deal with the aftermath? I was hurt, angry, confused and frustrated. And I left her office feeling, defeated in a way. It felt like she had ripped off a band-aid to a wound that I didn't even know hadn't fully healed yet and it was now re-exposed. And I felt fully exposed. So what I didn't tell her, though, was that in that very moment, the very first thought that came to me, and scared me to no end when she said I was fighting to survive was the thought that I didn't know I wanted to die. So I walked out of her office and I go to my car and I just kept saying to myself, I didn't know I wanted to die." The tears fell out onto my hot cheeks. I remember it was a beautiful sunny day and it should have been a day where I was full of energy and full of life. And all I kept saying was,"I didn't know I wanted to die." I was numb. And stunned at the same time. I didn't know I wanted to die. And then I cried and cried. And as I drove home, I thought about You're just trying to survive." I took time to meditate on that thought. That's when I came to the conclusion that I didn't want to literally die. I didn't have ideation. I just wanted all the things I was going through, to die, to be gone: the trauma, the pain of deep grief, the depression, the weight of the last seven years, which is a whole other story for another podcast. I wanted the spiral that I was in to just stop to all just die. I wanted to be reborn, to be resurrected if you will, I wanted to be fresh. That's when I was scrolling through Instagram and came across this stitch and I'm still trying to find the original content creators. So if you know them and you hear this, or you see this and you're familiar with it, please, send a message to me so I can reach out to them. But this was an interesting stitch. Give it a listen.

5:54

What was that flip of the switch moment that permanently changed your life or perspective? It was my first day in therapy and my therapist said,"You seem really well adjusted for someone who's never gone to therapy. Why are you here?" And I said,"I'm a good husband. I'm a good father. I'm a good friend. I'm a good employee, but I want to be great at all those things. And I feel like if I could be great at those by myself, I would have been by now. So I'm getting help." And she said,"Employee is someone you are for your job. Husband is someone you are for your wife. Father is someone you are for your son and friend is someone you are for your friends. Who are you for yourself? Who are you outside of those roles?" And then the waterworks happened and I heard myself say,"I'm not sure there's much of a person at the end of all that." And that was the beginning of me figuring out who I was at 30 something years old. Everything changed after that.

Shai Boston: 6:52

It was so profound to me. If all of this other dies. Then who am I for me? When I woke up at 40. I just knew I was not going to live my life for anyone else. All the decisions that I made, the challenges that I would pursue or overcome would all be because that's what I wanted. And I'd seek counsel and feedback from those that I cared about. Whatever I did, or decided that I was going to do it was all because it was what I wanted. And that was communicated to my husband and my mom, because we all live together and that way, there will be no question. I even shared it with my friends as a way of helping them to feel more empowered. So at the time that I started therapy, in earnest, I was on the verge of turning 50, just a few months away. And the question for me was"How are you going to go from just existing and trying to survive to know who I am for me?" Audre Lorde said,"If I didn't define myself for myself, I will be crunched into other people's fantasies of me and eaten alive." I didn't want that for myself. And I didn't want that for the woman that I had in mind, I was going to become and that I had been working to become. I know the woman I am. I know that while I have work to do, I'm almost there to the woman that I really want to be. But what did I need to get there? Well, I needed therapy, check. I needed to take time to analyze, my business and where that was now going to transition to. Because that needed to be done. I started that a few months later. And then a surprise came. As I discussed my conversation with my therapist, with other women, especially entrepreneurs, that I often did regular Coffee Chats with, they all said how much they appreciated it and that this was the type of conversations that they wished they could have regularly. Some were able to have them with their friends. Most, were not able to have them with colleagues or other entrepreneurs. Some just wanted a circle of friends or a support system that were doing the same things that they were, doing had the same mindset that they had, and could completely understand and just get it. My word of the year was the same that Miriam Webster selected for 2023. Authenticity. Miriam Webster defines as not false, true to one's own personality, spirit, or character. Since that's the woman I am and the kind of content that I craved on social media, podcasts, and other areas, you know, these true, authentic conversations, that's how this podcast was born. With each episode, we'll talk about what we can do in our personal and professional lives to become, or to keep being our authentic selves. We'll meet to have conversations about all the things that matter most to us: our careers, our families, various relationships, our mental health and self care, the challenges we face as women in this world. Now, I won't be an advocate for policies or politics. I won't promote my own spirituality though, I do have a belief in God. I won't try to sell you on some diet programs or exercise programs. And I most certainly will not tell you how to make a million dollars in 10 days. What I promise you is that through this podcast, and any other content that I produce, I will be my true, authentic self and share my expertise with you from a wide range of areas, but specifically I focus on communication and leadership. I will also have other experts to come and sit and visit as guests that are genuine, authentic and they want what's best for us as women in general. They'll come from all different careers and walks of life. So we'll talk about things related to business and careers and entrepreneurship. And we'll also talk about the things that are more closer to home. In today's episode. We learned that our"Why" may not be clearly defined, and that's okay. We may be in survival mode and that's also okay. We may even feel like we want the things of the past to just die so we can move forward and live in our true, authentic selves, and that is most definitely okay. The first step is just to recognize where we are, how we're feeling, and how it's impacting us. This can affect us personally and professionally. So we will move forward one step at a time because we are going to do everything we can not to go back to where we were. There will be resources in the show notes from time to time to help you with all of that whether it's therapy and you're looking for recommendations on therapists. If you need help with ideation. If you want to stop using substances to mask the pain. Or if you need help in your career or business. The point is we can take the first step and every step thereafter together. My goal is to continue creating a safe space for us to have Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity. I want to thank you for joining me for my first episode! Let's celebrate this momentous occasion together... if you feel like it, go out for a walk or a run, do some pilates or yoga, fix yourself a meal or go treat yourself to a nice one, or do whatever it is that is healthy mentally, physically, and spiritually that will help you continue stepping into your true and authentic self.

13:18

Whether it's our first conversation or we've been talking for a while, thank you for taking the time to chat with me today. While you finish your beverage, take some time to meditate on today's conversation and journal your thoughts and feelings. If you liked today's conversation, and you haven't already done so, please subscribe to and review my podcast. Then download this episode. Don't forget to join my fan page on Fanlist.com/CoffeeCocktailsClarity, where you can share your thoughts on the episode, ask questions, or share your story. You never know, I may feature you in a future episode with your consent, of course. You can also follow me on social media. The links will be in the show notes. I hope our chat helped you to see things more clearly. I always enjoy talking with you. So let's take some time for us to get together again soon for some Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity.