Don't Let The Air Out

SHOW DESCRIPTION

What happens when your emotional balloon gets deflated and how do you re-inflate it? Join Shai as she recounts a day filled with excitement, a successful farmer's market, and an unexpected scare with her dog, Stewie. Through this experience, Shai shares insights on the importance of speaking up for ourselves, checking in on our strong friends, and maintaining emotional resilience. This episode dives deep into authentic conversations about personal challenges, support systems, and the art of balancing heavy loads both in personal and professional life.

TL;DR

The episode explores emotional resilience and the importance of self-advocacy, honest communication, and strong support systems.

Time Stamps

00:00 A Day of Excitement and Anticipation

00:31 The Farmer's Market Adventure

01:37 Reflecting on a Successful Event

02:39 A Sudden Turn of Events

03:10 Welcome to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity

03:54 A Real and Raw Conversation

04:41 The Vet Visit and Emotional Rollercoaster

06:38 Reinflating the Balloon: Support and Friendship

08:13 Empowering Ourselves and Each Other

16:10 Final Thoughts and Farewell

RESOURCES

Note: I do not have any affiliations with, sponsorships or endorsements from any of the resources mentioned. They are listed for your reference.

Mental Health Resources

·         Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

Ph: 988

Website: https://988lifeline.org/

·         Psychology Today

Website: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us

·         National Institute of Mental Health

Website: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/

Sexual Violence Resources

·         RAIIN

Ph: 800.656.HOPE (4673)

Website: https://rainn.org/

Substance Abuse Resources

·         U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Website: https://findtreatment.gov/

·         Alcoholics Anonymous

Website: https://www.aa.org/

·         Al-Anon Family Groups

Website: https://al-anon.org/

CONNECT WITH ME

Join my fan page at FanList.com/CoffeeCocktailsClarity and share your thoughts on this episode, ask questions, or share your story. 

Shai Boston on IG: https://www.instagram.com/shaiboston/

Shai Boston on Threads: https://www.threads.net/@shaiboston

Shai Boston on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ShaiBostonLLC

Credits

Editor: Payton Cross Productions

Transcript

Shai Boston: 0:00

The day began excitedly, hurriedly, busily. Each passing moment felt like my emotional balloon was just being inflated with good and happy things. After an evening of transplanting plants and creating plant signs and doing more things, we were ready. So we got up this morning, and I put on my New Edition shirt from one of their last tours, and we made the trip. And it was a very special event that we're making this trip for. My husband was participating in the very first farmer's market for his school district, and it was going to be different schools that were there showing off the arts and crafts students have made, the different plants that they had grown in their own school gardens, and it was being done in conjunction with a major science museum, and we were all too excited! And so my balloon was just growing and growing by the minute throughout the day. And as we drove to the event, I created my playlist on my iPad so we would have some music for the occasion-- I had everything from some old school Motown all the way to KPop. Yes, I listen to KPop, Korean pop music. Now, although we didn't get the masses that we hoped for, the steady trickle of parents and children really did help us sell several plants and crafts for the school. My balloon is almost full and looking so pretty with its beautiful purple hue. It was a warm day today in Atlanta. It was sunny. My melanin was poppin' in the sun. I was feeling good. We're driving home and I thought about the successful event. My husband was on cloud nine thinking about it. I thought about all that I needed to do when I got home... I was thinking about the fact that I needed to do some work for my business. I wanted to record a couple of podcast episodes and then relax tonight, watching some episodes of the latest Korean drama my mom and I are watching. I came home, started unwinding from the morning's events, settled in at my desk. I checked email to see that a collaborator had reached out to start talking about our plans to work together in the future. And that was super exciting to me. That made my balloon grow even bigger and it was comfortably full. I imagined it with it's regal purple, kind of pearlized purple just shining. I started mentally preparing for the podcast episodes that I wanted to record-- you know, thinking about what stories I wanted to tell and also, too, what information was going to be pertinent to you... that you would want to hear and listen to. And then I heard,"Shai!" It was my husband, I need you to look at this." So I come to the stairs, I look down and I said,"What is it, Babe?" He goes, I just took Stewie out and I noticed that there's drops of blood from when he used the bathroom." Suddenly my purple happy-filled balloon was now having the air completely sucked out of it.

3:12

Hi Ladies, I'm Shai, and I'm so excited to welcome you to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity. As a woman navigating my own journey, I've experienced the ups and downs, the triumphs and challenges that come with being a woman in today's world. I created this podcast as a space for us to have authentic conversations and connections, to share stories, and inspire each other. Let's break down barriers, celebrate our successes, and support one another on this journey together. So take a sip, sit back, and let's have a chat.

Shai Boston: 3:54

So that began my scary few hours. I'm recording this unshowered, hair and unkempt, my eyebrows may or may not still be on at this point. I do pencil in my eyebrows, but that's a story for another episode. And I'm actually sipping on some, Cayman Jack Margarita out of my"Dog Mom" cup. I was actually going to drink from the bottle, but I thought maybe I'd be just a little bit classy tonight and record the podcast drinking something out of a cup that's a little bit better than just gulping down the bottle though that's what I really wanted to do. I mean, after all the podcast is about authentic conversations, right? So I'm here completely, authentically myself and I'm just keeping it real. Oh, what are you sipping on while we chat? Hope you got a little something good. Back to the story... so we take my dog Stewie to the vet. And we're nervous, we're scared. He's nervous and scared. We get him calmed. The vet comes, starts looking at him. And quite honestly, she's like, we need to run all these different tests. We may need to do, you know, some x rays, all these different things to really determine what's going on with him and his gastrointestinal system. Let me take a sip. Hmm, pretty good. So she thinks there's severe dehydration. And I'm like, well how do you force a dog to drink water? Right? You put out the bowls, you do everything you can. Long story short, it turns out he does have severe dehydration. So we're not quite out of the woods yet. I'm tiyad. I don't mean tired. I'm tiyad. T I Y A D. I'm tiyad. I'm worn out. My balloon is basically now almost fully deflated, but it starts getting inflated. It started with the vet. The first thing she says is, This is how much the bill is going to be." I'm looking at my husband. I'm looking at my mom. We just don't have that right now. And so it was, What do you have? What can we work with?" We said,"What can we do that will still get him the treatment that he needs while also cutting costs?" They came back and the bill was cut more than half. Not only that, she comped some of the services just because she wanted to make sure that he got all of the checks and balances that he needs, so-to-speak. He got everything checked out that he needed checked out, and we were able to go home with some special food and some meds and just to keep a close eye on him. My balloon started getting inflated again, and that was wonderful. The other thing that helped to re-inflate my balloon is while I was at the vet I read two messages that came in a couple of days ago from some sweet dear sistafriends of mine. Now, why did it take me a couple of days to read it? Let me just put it out there. I have ADHD. So my ADHD brain was kicking in. And not only that, I also have been diagnosed with what is called Pathological Demand Avoidance or PDA. That's a topic for a whole nother episode and even a whole nother podcast. But basically what that means is that my brain was not registering that I needed to read those messages then, but I feel like I was meant to read them when I did because they were two of my strong friends that were like,"Hey Friend, we're checking in on you." Two strong friends checking in on their strong friend that normally checks in on them. So my balloon was getting more and more inflated. Then on the way home, as I listened to some KPop and I started relaxing a little bit even though I was on the brink of tears I was like, okay, he's going to be fine. My family is fine. And you know what, I'm excited because I'm going home, I'm going to record my podcast, and I'm going to use this as something to share with all of my lady friends out there. My sisterfriends that are coming in to have their coffee or their cocktail with me and to have a nice chat. So I was looking forward to talking with you and that inflated my balloon again. I said all that to say what? First and foremost, when we think about ourselves oftentimes, whether we are the strong friend or not, we all carry a balloon, a balloon that we want others to see, the balloon that kind of represents the best of who we are. When we don't speak up for ourselves, we start to deflate our own balloon... So what I want us to do is to normalize speaking up for ourselves and what we need when we need it. Now, I know it's not always easy and yes, I'm still working on it because I will go out and do for someone else long before I ask them to do for me. But the reality is, when I do speak up for myself, I find that my balloon gets more inflated and less deflated because I'm taking pressure off of myself. I am recognizing that I don't have to carry the work and the burden alone. Being honest releases us from those pressures. The pressures we carry inside of us that others don't know about. That allows our balloons to reinflate because we feel better. We're going to carry ourselves differently because we're not going to be weighed down. And also because, we're not going to want to just let our balloon shrivel up to nothing. Let's normalize speaking up for ourselves and what we need when we need it. That way, we'll feel better about doing what's best for ourselves in asking for support and seeking that support, and telling others how we want to be supported. We also need to take time to check in on our strong friends. We hear this all the time, right? But when we look at some of the strongest structures in the world, whether they're buildings, whether they're bridges, whatever the case may be, the strongest structures will only remain that way if they are reinforced and maintained. When we regularly check in with our sisterfriends, and we're checking in, especially on the strong ones who are always there for everybody else, that's how we're reinforcing them and their strength because they know they have a good support system. They know they have a good foundation in place. They know that their emotional needs and sometimes spiritual needs, their mental needs, are going to be maintained and checked and reinforced by those that are checking in on them, the closest sister friends. One of the things that I regularly ask all of my sister friends, it's only one question. When I check in on them, I ask them, How may I support you today?" Or"How may I support you through this?" Whether or not they answer, that's on them. That's for them to decide and I respect that. If they don't return my text and give me an answer back I know that I offered myself and I know that they saw it. I know they heard it, and I know that they know they have a support system around them willing and ready to reinforce them and also to help maintain them. And if they respond, with whatever it is that they need, they know that I will always do my best to fulfill it. Now, professionally, we might find this a little bit more of a challenge because oftentimes we're on teams or we're in an environment when we are fending for ourselves, right? As an employee though, let's learn to speak up for ourselves when the load is too heavy, and we'll definitely dive more deeply into this in future episodes. But for right now, offer some solutions to help make the load easier for you to bear. Even if that means that you're not able to, let's say, work directly with your supervisor or your manager, director, whomever, then try to determine how you can work with your fellow coworkers, those who are offering support in order to help balance that load out. And if it's not a load that can be balanced out, maybe it is a load that you solely have to carry, there's still nothing wrong with on occasion voicing that your load is just a little too much. Because as long as you're speaking up for yourself and you're showing up for yourself, your balloon is going to stay inflated because it's you speaking up for you. Now, it won't take the pressure and the weight off. I will give you that and again, in future episodes, we'll talk about how do we work around that and what are some things that we can do. In the meantime, do what you can do during your working hours and leave it there. On occasion, you may work a little bit harder and do a little bit more, and that's okay. Some weeks you're going to be pulling 60, 70 hours weeks. Just don't make that your regular norm, if at all possible. Set those boundaries for yourself and say, I have this heavy load, but I'm going to balance it more effectively. Just like we see women in many other countries, balancing heavy loads on their heads and they can shift it and they can carry these loads on their heads. In some countries they're carrying loads by balancing out the loads on their arms. When we do that, we're still empowering ourselves. We're following our own boundaries and that keeps our balloons inflated because we're doing something that's in the best interest for ourselves. When you're in a team environment, if you're a leader, the other thing to think, about is those around you who are also shouldering loads that could use some assistance. Perhaps you can help balance their loads by taking on a couple of projects yourself. Removing some things and delegating them to other people. Or really tapping into what is absolutely necessary for someone to carry to get a project done or to do anything. If none of that is possible, and I admit there are some work environments where that is absolutely not possible, then offer them a listening ear of support and keep checking in on them. We may not always have the answers. We may not always have the solutions. Sometimes all we need is just someone to hear us, someone to listen and show that they care. Someone just to offer a little bit of reinforcement so that we can stay maintained. We can rebalance, reshift, and keep going. Do that even if it's for someone else on your team, if you're an entrepreneur, someone else in your business. And if you are a solopreneur, definitely make sure you're doing this for yourself and that you have others that you can go to, to do this with. Keep in mind that people won't say what they need or ask for their balloons to be inflated. They'll just put their deflated balloons in their pockets and push through. While there are moments when we do need to let our balloons fly a little lower than usual, we also need to take notice when someone else doesn't have their balloon flying as high, or perhaps it's not getting noticed, even if it's our own balloon. So, normalize asking for what we need. Normalize sharing that our balloons are becoming deflated. Normalize checking in on your strong friends. And be honest when they check in on you.

16:11

Whether it's our first conversation or we've been talking for a while, thank you for taking the time to chat with me today. While you finish your beverage, take some time to meditate on today's conversation and journal your thoughts and feelings. If you liked today's conversation, and you haven't already done so, please subscribe to and review my podcast then download this episode. Don't forget to join my fan page on Fanlist.com/CoffeeCocktailsClarity, where you can share your thoughts on the episode, ask questions, or share your story. You never know, I may feature you in a future episode, with your consent of course. You can also follow me on social media. The links will be in the show notes. I hope our chat helped you to see things more clearly. I always enjoy talking with you. So let's take some time for us to get together again soon for some Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity.