Why the Caged Bird Sings: The Courage to Heal

SHOW DESCRIPTION

TW: This episode has brief mentions of depression, childhood SA, PTSD, and anxiety. If you are not in a space where listening to and discussing these topics is comfortable for you, please feel free to skip this episode and join me for the next one. As always, if you need immediate assistance, there are resources listed below that can assist you in navigating your thoughts and feelings.

Have you ever received a special gift that changed your life? Join me as I talk about a special gift that I received that helped me to start working through my depression leading me to find my voice. This deeply personal episode is my gift to you.

TL;DR

I'll share my story about how I started overcoming challenges and finding the courage to heal.

Time Stamps(1.15 spacing)

00:00 Introduction and Personal Story Teaser

00:57 Welcome to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity

01:41 Trigger Warnings and Resources

02:13 Discovering Courage

03:18 Reflecting on Childhood

05:10 The Gift of Reading

05:34 Impact of Dr. Maya Angelou

06:39 Struggles with Depression

07:52 Finding My Voice Through Writing

08:57 Sharing My Story

11:55 Empowering Conversations

12:27 The Gift of Courage

13:19 Encouragement to Heal and Use Your Voice

15:38 Closing Remarks

CONNECT WITH ME

Join my fan page at FanList.com/CoffeeCocktailsClarity and share your thoughts on this episode, ask questions, or share your story. 

Shai Boston on IG: https://www.instagram.com/shaiboston/

Shai Boston on Threads: https://www.threads.net/@shaiboston

Shai Boston on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ShaiBostonLLC

RESOURCES

Note: I do not have any affiliations with, sponsorships or endorsements from any of the resources mentioned. They are listed for your reference.

Mental Health Resources

·         Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

Ph: 988

Website: https://988lifeline.org/

·         Psychology Today

Website: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us

·         National Institute of Mental Health

Website: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/

Sexual Violence Resources

·         RAIIN

Ph: 800.656.HOPE (4673)

Website: https://rainn.org/

Substance Abuse Resources

·         U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Website: https://findtreatment.gov/

·         Alcoholics Anonymous

Website: https://www.aa.org/

·         Al-Anon Family Groups

Website: https://al-anon.org/

Credits

Podcast Editor: Payton Cross Productions

Transcript

Shai Boston: 0:00

Coming up on Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity. My mother gave me a very special gift. Her voice literally and figuratively would impact me and my mother in the years to come. Depression... weighed me down and almost flattened me under its unyielding weight of darkness. I wrote for three days and three nights, almost non-stop. I had her keep a vow of silence. Courage is walking so someone else can run. As I sit sipping on my mint tea on this gloomy day, I'm reminded of a time in my life that was also gloomy. A time when I came to see that not all heroes wear capes. Some wear courage. Hi ladies, I'm Shai, and I'm so excited to welcome you to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity. As a woman navigating my own journey, I've experienced the ups and downs, the triumphs and challenges that come with being a woman in today's world. I created this podcast as a space for us to have authentic conversations and connections to share stories and inspire each other. Let's break down barriers, celebrate our successes and support one another on this journey together. So take a sip, sit back and let's have a chat. Before we start today's chat, I want you to know that this episode has brief mentions of depression, childhood SA, PTSD, and anxiety. If you are not in a space where listening to and discussing these topics is comfortable for you, please feel free to skip this episode and join me for the next one. As always, if you need immediate assistance, there will be resources in the show notes that can assist you in navigating your thoughts and feelings. I can't say that courage is something that I always had or even recognized I had. It took many years and a series of events to help me realize what others saw in me and knew about me all along. I had more courage than I ever allowed myself to believe. Sometimes when I forget about my courage and how far I've come, I make some tea like I did today, usually mint or peppermint. And I pour it into my cup of courage. Now, if you're watching me on YouTube, you'll see my nice cup of courage, but it literally is a white and black cup that has"courage" written on the front, and on the back of it, there is a quote from writer and artist, Mary Anne Radmacher. I'll get back to that in a bit. I hope you also have a healthy liquid cup of courage as we dive into today's topic. So as usual, I'm going to take my sip... and now let's get to it. By some accounts, I had a privileged childhood. Some say that it's because I was my mother's only child, which very well could be true. Some say it's because they thought that I got everything that I ever wanted- which is not true- um, in fact, much of what I did get was because I worked hard at school or in other things that I needed to excel at that my mother usually rewarded me for. For those that are looking from or were looking from the outside, they saw things that made them think that my childhood was privileged- such as us having a, what I would think was, a typical middle class life. I did have my own room and a TV. I had maybe about three Barbie dolls. I did have an Atari system and yes, I know I just dated myself with that. I had a bicycle. I had a mother who was always present in my life and was active in my school when she was able to as a single parent. She always made sure that I was dressed well and appropriately. And my fashion was normally clothes that were not name brand clothes. My mother did dote on me. She pushed for me to be the best at whatever it was I wanted to be. When it was elementary school, it was dancing. Later on, it became theater, things like that. My mother was supportive, loving, and strict. And so I guess in that sense, yes, I had a privileged childhood. For me, though, I considered my childhood privileged for many other reasons and I won't go into all of them, but one of the main reasons I felt privileged was because my mother gave me a very special gift. The gift of reading. From the time I could sit up, my mother read to me daily. When we came home from school and she came home from work, her detox time was spent reading, which meant my time had to be spent reading and that gift led me to a great many things and people... including Dr. Maya Angelou. I recognized the strength of Dr. Angelou's words when reading one of her most acclaimed and beloved books,"I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings." It's still a fave. When I finally had the privilege of seeing Dr. Angelou speak at my university, it was a treat I couldn't begin to imagine. As I sat there with mom and one of my closest friends taking in Dr. Angelou's speech, I was humbled. I felt privileged and blown away. I still get tears to this day when I think about that just awesome experience. She spoke with such clarity, diction, and authority. And the divine sound that was her voice. That deep husky voice. Her voice literally and figuratively would impact me and my mother in the years to come. Flash forward. I'm an adult married, and living life until that familiar weight and burden came crashing down on my mind and body. Depression... weighed me down and almost flattened me under its unyielding weight of darkness. So much so that I barely inched my way to a therapist one fateful day. And it wasn't until I spoke with him that I was helped to get strong enough to lift the weight of depression. Then, I was able to finally start to begin understanding why the caged bird sings. But when my therapist told me I've done all I can for you, You need to find a creative outlet to help you through the rest."- meaning my PTSD and anxiety.(Yes, my mental health illnesses have mental health illnesses.) That's when I realized that I needed to do something, but I didn't know what? And it was as if Dr. Angelou shined her graceful light on me and showed me the way to a computer. I sat down and I wrote. I wrote for three days and three nights, almost non-stop. The result was my story... my story of surviving childhood SA like Dr. Angelou. Now, I don't mean to brag on myself, but I think I did Dr. Angelou proud because I know my book could have been an Oprah Book Club selection... Okay, okay. It might not have even been a local library selection, but whatever. I wrote a book. And in writing that book, I found my voice. This caged bird could sing, finally. Little did I know that by making room for and empowering myself to have a voice, I would empower and make room for someone else's voice... and come to see, as I said, that not all heroes wear capes. Some wear courage. Although I shared my story with my mom several years before, I had her keep a vow of silence. I asked her not to tell my story. That I would share it when I was ready. Now, it's important to note that my mother is very close to her sisters. She moved away from California over 20 years ago to live with me on the East Coast. And as a result, naturally, she gets homesick and wants to spend time with her sisters. Such was the case after I finished writing the manuscript of my book. My mother was going home for a visit and she didn't feel comfortable knowing my story and not being able to share it with her sisters, some of whom had children that were an integral part of my story. You see, my mom isn't a very good liar, at all. She doesn't always hide her emotions well, and she can't always suppress some of the things that she wants to say. She either just doesn't say it or she ends up spilling the beans. So having to face the parents of those who committed the crime... yeah, that was not going to go over very well. She asked me if she could tell my story and have an open discussion with her sisters from her perspective. Now, I don't know if I was truly ready for that or not, but I didn't want my mom to tell my story. It wasn't for the selfish reason that some may think. It was simply because I didn't want her to receive the blame if the story wasn't received well. I didn't want anyone else to accuse her of lying or not accurately sharing my story. I didn't want there to be doubts. I didn't need anyone to validate my story. I just didn't want them to dismiss my mom's feelings as she spoke to them from her perspective. These may have all been irrational fears at the time... and they did prove to be once all was said and done, yet I felt the need to protect my mother, and maybe to some extent to protect me and my story. So, I told her that she could share my story by sharing my story. My mother took copies of my unpublished book home with her and gave each one of her sisters a copy. And as a result had some of the hardest conversations she would ever have in her life about how some of their children SA'd me, how it was impacting me at the time, and how she needed to find a way to heal. On that trip, as with other times in her life, my mother personified courage, the courage to carve another path for me to walk on that was paved with courage. It was one of the most empowering experiences of our lives. We had some good discussions after that. We drew closer and got a stronger bond, and it opened the door for me to have conversations with one of my aunts in particular. And that's a conversation I have treasured ever since. And I'm grateful that my aunt was willing to have it with me. In that time and space, I realized that I had the privilege of receiving another gift from my mother. The gift of courage, specifically the courage to heal. When I think of gifts that keep on giving- my mother gave me the gift of reading. Dr. Angelou and my therapist gave me the gift of finding my voice through reading and writing. And I gave my mother the gift of finding her voice and the strength to speak using my book. In turn, she gave us both the gift of developing the courage to heal. We all have a voice. A story, something to say. Someone may have given us that gift and it impacted us. But it's up to us to give such a gift to someone else. We never know how it will affect someone else or how that gift will keep on giving by giving someone their voice. You also have the responsibility of giving that gift to yourself. So start with yourself. Are you hurting right now from traumas? Heartache? Disappointment in people or systems you thought were going to protect you? Whatever caused the wounds you're dealing with, give yourself the gifts of courage and the courage to heal. Are you struggling to find your voice? Then work with a therapist or a coach like me. If that isn't in the cards for you right now, then start by just getting the words out that you've been aching to say. Write them down in a journal, type them out into an online journal, write music, do poetry, talk to a fellow sisterfriend. The point is to get the words out. Start using your voice... let it gain power. Let it go from a thought to a whisper to comfortably vocalizing, to saying it with your whole chest. Keep going until you too can"sing". I know why the caged bird sings. She sings because she finally realized she had the gift of a voice. She sings because she realized she had something inside of her. She had courage... the courage to to heal. Writer and artist Mary Anne Radmacher, who I referred to earlier, once said, as seen on the back of my cup, Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says,"I'll try again tomorrow."" I say, sometimes courage is walking so someone else can run. My mother paved a path with courage for me and I am paving a path of courage for you. Won't you take that first step? Whether it's our first conversation or we've been talking for a while, thank you for taking the time to chat with me today. While you finish your beverage, take some time to meditate on today's conversation and journal your thoughts and feelings. If you liked today's conversation and you haven't already done so, please subscribe to and review my podcast. Then download this episode. Don't forget to join my fan page on Fanlist.com/CoffeeCocktailsClarity, where you can share your thoughts on the episode, ask questions, or share your story. You never know, I may feature you in a future episode with your consent, of course. You can also follow me on social media. The links will be in the show notes. I hope our chat helped you to see things more clearly. I always enjoy talking with you. So let's take some time for us to get together again soon for some Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity.