Embrace Your Power: Taking Up Space, Using Your Voice, and Gaining Visibility (Part 2)

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SHOW DESCRIPTION

Picking up where Episode 9 left off, I delve into self-worth and managing perceptions in the workplace through personal experiences and insights. This episode focuses on the significance of voice, tone, body language, words, and presence in effectively communicating and asserting oneself. Through practical advice and personal anecdotes, we’ll talk about how to build confidence to use our voices, spaces, and presence more powerfully. The episode includes tips on practicing communication skills, choosing the right words, and using body language to command presence while maintaining authenticity.

TL;DR

This episode emphasizes tips on practicing communication skills, choosing the right words, and using body language to command presence while maintaining authenticity.

Time Stamps

00:00 Introduction and Setting the Stage

00:41 A Personal Story: Workplace Challenges

01:46 Welcome to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity

02:29 Managing Perceptions and Self-Worth

06:22 Understanding and Using Your Voice

16:00 The Power of Tone in Communication

18:07 Choosing the Right Words

26:25 Mastering Body Language

32:27 The Impact of Presence

43:35 Conclusion

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RESOURCES

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Mental Health Resources

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 

Ph: 988

Psychology Today 

National Institute of Mental Health 

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Credits

ChastainFanClub on YouTube – “The Help” Clip 

Podcast Editor: Payton Cross Productions 

Transcript

0:00

On our last episode of Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity. Your worth can fluctuate in someone else's eyes simply because they never saw, understood, or appreciated your real or perceived value to begin with. When we lower our value, we are costing us our worth. The higher we place our value, then the more we will see what we are really worth. We as women have a right to take up space and to use space. Make sure you have a beverage and some time on your hands. We're going to take our time with this one... After a meeting discussing an upcoming live hiring event, my department manager called me to the side. It wasn't lost on me that during the meeting, I shared quite a bit of insight with the team on questions they can ask legally, how to handle those that we knew we wouldn't hire that came perhaps inappropriately dressed or something else. For instance, it was a call center, but we had guys show up in Laker jerseys, shorts, and Jordans. Like...really?? Anyway, the team appreciated the information shared because many of them had not been taught properly about interview techniques. The meeting breaks and I'm walking out into the hallway to finish up some work before that evening's event. And that's when the department manager called me aside in the hallway. The words that flowed from their mouth to my ears and mind surprised, confused, and sometimes stymied me for years to come. I'm so happy you're here. My name is Shai Boston, and it's a privilege to welcome you to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity: Real Women, Real Talk. It's a safe space created for women like us who want to have authentic conversation around everything that impacts our life, careers, and relationships. Go ahead, grab your favorite beverage and get comfy. Now, let's have a chat. So we're on part two of our episode and I'm still drinking my Cafe Bustelo. I'm going to take my sip as usual. And now let's get into it. As I stood there, I heard the words that would move in through my ears to find a home on my brain. I needed to"manage other people's perceptions of me." To this day, I want to believe that the man that delivered that message to me was very well intentioned. That doesn't change the fact that when I heard those words, it made me think,"What am I doing wrong now? Let me guess. I don't fit in with the team, again. I'm too loud, again. I was taking over the conversation, again." My thoughts were all rooted in previous experiences where I was called too assertive for speaking up and articulating my opinions. I was called too aggressive if I spoke up loud enough to be heard by others or requested status updates on project tasks only days or sometimes hours before they were due because I hadn't heard from anyone. If I laughed a little louder than others during a conversation, I was unprofessional and too boisterous. I was called rude and unprofessional because I would speak up and share my ideas or opinions while we were all brainstorming. Even though others would talk over each other during these sessions, I was the one called out for that same behavior. If I spoke up in a meeting, no matter how diplomatic and tactful I was in my words and tone, I was called intimidating, angry, or dominating. When I was silent in a meeting, I was told I wasn't actively participating. Those were all other peoples' perceptions of me. Rightly or wrongly. I'll readily admit that I still had some polishing that needed to be done, and I still do. We all do. The main thing I learned was that I can't always manage others' perceptions of me because I can't please everyone, nor can I act the way they feel I should. In fact, the only thing I can control is me. I just couldn't figure out how to show up as me, to be seen and to be heard, so that others could see what I brought to the table. No, I take that back. Most saw what I brought to the table. They didn't like the package it was brought in. A smart, confident Black woman. As women in general, our intellect gets challenged, especially in male-dominated spaces on a regular basis. If you're a woman of color, it adds a whole other layer of having our intellect and very presence challenged. In our last episode, Episode 9, we talked about and did some self-examination around how we communicate, how we receive information, knowing our value, and how we show up. Basically, we learned that we have a right to be in spaces and to take up space. We have a right to own and use our voices, and we have a right to use our presence physically and figuratively in a way that we choose. Now that we've considered those things, it's time to move forward in breaking this down to another level when it comes to our voice, our words, our body language, our tone, our presence, and our space. Yes, these are the six things that we can use to overcome the challenges often imposed upon us by other peoples' perceptions, and sometimes our own. You can do it confidently. A good place to start is by acknowledging that we have workplace trauma. We have life experiences, personal challenges, and other factors that can prevent us from using and owning our voices, our spaces, and presence in the ways that we'd like. Sometimes, we may not realize we are using them as weapons against those around us. Our walls of defense may go up. Our vocal tones may come across as charging forward with an attack or retreating out of fear rather than being open to discussion. Our body language can be telling others we have established strict boundaries that will never be able to be broken through. We may not trust others, so we will minimize or not readily share information, tasks on projects, or listen to their opinions. Sometimes, that's called gatekeeping. Before entering any space and sitting at the table, we have to own our own crap. I mean, honestly, starting from that place will help you move forward. Not acknowledging your own traumas and personal challenges will prevent you from being successful and hold you back from moving forward. Alright so how do we move forward? Use your voice. How many of you like the sound of your voice? If you're like me, most of us don't when we hear it recorded and played back, it just sounds weird to us. Knowing how our physical voice sounds to others helps us to better understand how to use it. My recommendation is that you record your voice and listen to it and get used to it. Ask others what words describe the sound of your voice and its pitch. Is it high pitched? Nasally? Monotone? Bueller? Is it soft? Speakers record and listen to themselves because varying their volume and pitch can keep their audiences engaged. In meetings, it helps to draw or repel attention from your message. You may use your physical voice in this way to be heard and listened to. I once had a director who helped me to appreciate the importance of my voice in meetings, especially when training. We were going to be tag teaming a training together over several days, and she acknowledged that her voice was more nasally and high pitched. In fact, she said to me,"I know my voice annoys people." And she laughed and of course I laughed because honestly it was kind of true that after a while It was one of those voices that kind of grated on your senses. Helping me to appreciate my physical voice, she said,"Your voice is warmer in tone and pitch," which we'll talk about tone in a little bit. And she continued by saying,"So we will be able to compliment each other during the training." When we trained, we were able to offset each other nicely and keep our participants engaged. If you're going to be presenting in a meeting, record yourself practicing your delivery. This will give you an idea of how you physically sound. You can then tweak your vocals accordingly. Now, I don't mean changing your voice. I mean adjusting it at key points for impact and maintaining the attention of your audience. Practicing in this way will help you to get more comfortable with your voice and when you're speaking with others. You will not be hung up on how you sound. In fact, you'll start to adjust your pitch based on the given situation. You'll be able to focus on your message or the conversation better. Using your voice also means speaking up in meetings and other conversations where you have something to contribute. Speaking up on issues that may impact you, your family, or community, that's another way of using your voice. Inspiring and motivating others is a way to use your voice as well. In fact, the most powerful way you can use your voice is in empowering yourself and others through communication, actions, and expressing yourself. Now expressing yourself can come in a number of ways. It could be physically speaking up, it could be activism, creating art through poetry, music, photography, or any other means. Start by recognizing that you have a voice and you do have something to say or contribute. Whether you're talking at home or at work, you have a voice. You just have to empower yourself to use that voice. That can be especially challenging in male-dominated environments and anywhere else you feel that your voice would be silenced, not welcomed or respected. So here are a few tips to get you there. You can express your thoughts in a journal. Organizing your thoughts in this manner will help you get the raw emotions out and then you can work on putting your words into more palatable sentences. Anytime we speak from a place of emotion, we generally set our audience up to back off of listening to what we have to say. So we can be passionate about what we want to say, but we want to remove the raw emotions and make sure that our words, our message, comes across the way that we want. Practice what you want to say. You're going to hear me say practice a lot throughout this episode because it's so important to build confidence and to build capability and skills. As I mentioned before, recording yourself helps, and even practicing in front of others that will give you honest feedback will prove beneficial. This way you can get an understanding of how your message is coming across and, as we'll talk about later, are you using the right word choices? So practice what you want to say. Look for opportunities to lead short meetings, give a presentation or oversee small projects where you'll be speaking more in front of others. Leading others requires effective communication, and this will make it more comfortable for you to use your literal and figurative voice. Learning effective communication techniques and practicing active listening will help you to speak and use your voice. Anytime you speak, make sure it is clear and articulate. This will be very important for those in situations that feel their voice goes unheard. Using your volume, pitch, and articulating your speech sets the tone for being listened to. The other things that we'll discuss shortly will help as well. And finally, if your expertise is challenged, remember your value and worth. Then use"I" statements while you keep your voice at the right volume and pitch. I have reviewed the documents on page 10 and you'll note Regulatory Act..." You can still express your expertise and you can do it in a way that will allow you to be heard because you're using"I" statements, putting in your expertise, and sharing what you have to say. So how do you continue going on using all these different tips and building confidence when it comes to your voice? It all starts by believing in your knowledge and expertise. Period. You know how much time and effort you put into your education, developing your skillsets, practicing your craft. So don't minimize that for anyone. If you are having imposter syndrome or self doubt, then repeat the following affirmation to yourself: I am capable, confident, and worthy. My voice matters and my contributions are valuable." Again,"I am capable, confident, and worthy. My voice matters and my contributions are valuable." Having faith in yourself will allow you to speak up, even if you're scared and unsure of how you'll be received, and that works for any situation, any relationship. When you're at least confident in what you bring to the table, you can always speak confidently from that perspective. That means nobody can challenge your knowledge, expertise, or experience and think they're going to"win." You know what, you know, so stand on business, Boo. Speaking up also involves other aspects that we're going to cover. So let's move along to the next one, which is tone. Tone is how the emotion of what you're saying is conveyed. It provides nuance and texture to what you're saying. Tone conveys your feelings. You can come across as sarcastic, joyful, angry, confused. You get the idea. Your tone impacts and can enforce the validity of your statements. In fact, it can even reinforce the validity of your statements. If you're nervous in delivering your message, it will come across like you're unsure about what you're saying, if you're sarcastic, people won't know if they should take you seriously. If you are forceful in a situation that does not require it, people would take that as being demanding. Build your strength in this area by practicing tone changes when you speak. Add in exercising confidence in what you say. Practice helps you overcome your nerves and emotions. It helps you to focus on what you have to say and not the feelings around what you have to say, unless you are trying to convey certain feelings. Even then, make sure it's appropriate to use the tone you're selecting in the situation that you're going to use it. For example, you may be frustrated with a corporate policy. You can either convey that frustration in your tone or you can keep your emotions about the policy out of the conversation and state nothing but facts as to why the policy is just not benefiting other workers. We'll talk about word choices shortly. There's a time to use your tone to emphasize points by conveying emotions and there's a time to have restraint. The environment or situation you're in all dictates how you'll proceed when using your tone. Next, use your words. We may not always be cognizant of our words or the impact that they have, but words do have impact. They can build up, break down, and leave lasting impressions. Selecting the right words can either get people to listen to you while the wrong ones can get them to close their ears. I remember several years back, I was doing a training event over the weekend. There was a student who came about halfway through, I want to say was the first day of the training. Nonetheless, he missed a significant amount of information on the topic that I was covering when he came in that afternoon. At one point, he took issue with something that I said and interrupted the class with his statement. And, I can't remember the exact words, but he said something like,"That's not correct." I'm used to being challenged when I do trainings. Sometimes people have been to other courses and had other trainers where they learned something similar or possibly different in theory or practice than what I'm training. So I wasn't taken aback when he said the information wasn't correct. I just simply said,"Excuse me?" And he said,"That's not correct." Then he proceeds to try and correct what I said. Again, I'm used to that and there's certain ways to handle it. But it was how he said it and how he was doing it and we're in a room of, like, 200 people, which I'm used to training in as well, but I sat there and the way he kept going and I, I was like, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I was heated. I was. Let me take a sip of my coffee. So my emotions got in the way. And my thought went,"How do you come to this training event halfway through the day and then tell the trainer(who was also the person who thoroughly researched and wrote the curriculum because that's what I do. That's what I'm certified to do.) And you're going to tell me that I was wrong?" At first, I stayed professional for about a minute. I gently tried to correct the misunderstanding and explain the train of thought that I was having, and he still insisted that I was wrong. I allowed that back and forth for about a minute or so before I had enough. You missed part of the morning where I covered this in depth already. I know what I'm talking about. Let me educate you." Yeah, as soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I was going to hear about it on the survey from more than one person. More importantly, I knew I had lost him and part of my class, and I was not going to get them back. While I said what I meant and I meant what I said, I could have used a better word choice in that situation. I needlessly and unprofessionally embarrassed him and myself. Poor word choice, just like poor delivery, can cause you to lose any ounce of credibility and trust you may have built up with the ones that you're speaking with. If you don't have those, or felt you didn't to begin with, then you know for sure you won't now. When selecting your words, think of how to convey what you want to say in the way your recipient will receive them. Some people prefer that you be more concise while others may want the details. That's where active listening comes into play. Whenever possible, observe and listen to the people you are speaking to. That way you'll know how to convey what you want to say. If they ask a question, listen to understand and not to reply. Once you hear the question, you can use your words to clarify what you've heard, what their question was, or to respond accordingly. Once you hear the question they're asking, and how they are asking it, that will also help you to better understand what word choices you can use that will appeal to them and get them to listen. Sometimes, though, we just don't have the words and when that happens you can say something like, I'm not sure of any other way to say this except how it's in my head." That's a technique I especially use with my husband to help diffuse a situation when there's something that I really want to say, but I'm not sure how to say it in a way that he can receive it. And he does the same thing with me. It also works in most conversations within the workplace as well as elsewhere. Now, how do you build confidence in your word choices? When you are able, practice what you're going to say. Try saying it in different ways, even accentuating different words in a sentence. Try saying it in different ways, even accentuating different words in a sentence. Try saying it in a different way, even accentuating different words in a sentence. This is how actors figure out the best way to convey the meaning or intent behind a sentence or thought that they now have to convey to their audience. You can also broaden your vocabulary. Use a thesaurus when writing emails or other documents to find different words that can convey your thought better. Read or listen to books. Hearing how others use language can influence us and help us to better express ourselves. We'll pick up new phrases, new words, we'll get a better understanding of how one word can mean different things depending on the context. Practice conveying your thoughts in more succinct ways. People who are Neurodivergent, like myself, can get a little wordy sometimes. Therefore, we work at expressing and explaining ourselves in the least number of words whenever possible. That's why sometimes we have to practice what we want to say, or it takes us longer to write an email or a message, because we're constantly reviewing our words and how much we have to say. On the other hand, there are also those of us that are Neurodivergent who use speech that is much shorter, clipped, and to the point. So they would want to focus on using more words so as not to come across as rude and abrupt. Take a course in communication or join an organization that teaches how to speak effectively. Toastmasters is great for this. For anyone that's nervous about learning how to speak in public, wanting to improve their speaking abilities or wanting to learn how to use their speech to communicate. Toastmasters is great. Now from time-to-time, I also conduct mastermind groups around effective communication. These will help you to better understand how you speak and use words to convey your thoughts and messages, as well as the behaviors around the way you communicate. Ultimately, the best way to start using your words is to to start speaking them. Remember when I said you have something to say and to contribute? Well that means you gotta start sharing what you want to say and start contributing to conversations where your voice, your words, matter. You will develop comfort in speaking and eventually adjusting your words to match any given situation. Next up is body language. Before we do that, let's take a quick ad break and have a quick sip. Ready to level up your life? Let's unlock your full potential together. As your expert coach and strategist, I'll guide you to achieve your goals. For a limited time, name your price on my coaching and accountability packages. Terms and conditions apply. Don't miss this incredible opportunity. Click the link to learn more and start your journey. Speaking without words is the best way to define body language. It silently conveys what you're really thinking and wanting to say. It could be showing interest because you start leaning into a conversation. It could be boredom because you're staring into space. It could be conveying distraction because you're fidgeting, twirling your hair, flicking a pen or a pencil. Basically, you're listening without giving a verbal reply. That's body language. Calls to mind a situation that happened to me several years back. I had a manager once ask me if I was flirting with him. After I looked at this man like he had three heads, I said, Excuse me? Am I what now?" He repeated his question. I looked at him and said,"I am a happily married woman. What makes you think I am flirting with you?" He said, Well, you often adjust your bra strap. I just wanted you to know that I'm married and I'm not interested like that." Gurrrhlll! Hold on, let me take a sip on that one... cuz, uh. I literally sat there and I looked at him. I was like, I know this...I know that he didn't just sit up here and say that I was flirting with him because I adjusted my bra strap? I didn't adjust my bra strap. You know how your bra just be digging into your side and you just reach up and gently tug it down and out the way. If you're watching me on YouTube, you see me doing that. Yeah... that's what I did... and this fool thought that was flirting. Anyway, after setting him straight, I thought about my actions. What was I doing that gave him that impression? Now, mind you, I know I didn't do anything wrong. But he read my normal, absent-minded behavior as something else. That's an extreme example, and frankly, that's all on him. Nonetheless, it serves my point that sometimes things we do normally can be read as part of our body language and convey a message we're not trying to convey. For those of us who are Neurodivergent, we may stare off into space while listening to someone speak. It doesn't mean we're not listening or that we're distracted. We may or may not have tuned out for a second. However, it comes across as inattentive, disrespectful, and rude to those that we're talking to. That's why we tried hard to be cognizant and aware of what we're doing and why we're doing it. Making eye contact is a good body language signal of attentiveness. Some of us may find it hard to make eye contact for several reasons: like trauma response, Neurodivergence, shyness, anxiety, we can't focus our eyes, and that's just to name a few. I know I personally suffer from some of those. If you find making eye contact just as challenging as I do at times, then look at the person in between their eyebrows or go slightly above and look at the middle of their forehead. But don't look all the way up their forehead. Just slightly above their brow line. That way it looks like you're looking at them and giving eye contact when you're not doing it directly. When you're in meetings, having good posture by sitting up straight conveys attentiveness. When you're standing, stand with your shoulders back and your head held up when you are conversing with others. To help minimize the impacts of anxiety creeping in before a meeting, an important conversation, or being in a group or crowd, prepare yourself. Take slow, deep breaths in and out to relax yourself and your body. Calmly do it slowly in and out your nose as you relax yourself. Those are called cleansing breaths and they really do work and help. How do we build confidence so that we can manage our body language? You can never go wrong by holding your head and chin up and having good posture. That always conveys attentiveness and confidence even when you feel otherwise on the inside. Sometimes we don't know what to do with our hands when sitting during a meeting or when having a conversation. If your hands are free, you can display confidence, and build yours, by folding your hands and placing them on the table or desk in front of you. You can put them in the steeple formation, which is basically almost like your palms are facing each other, but your fingertips are touching, just like you're seeing on the screen if you're watching this on YouTube. The steeple formation, with your elbows on your chair, is another great way to show attentiveness as well as to show confidence. Whatever you do, try to avoid crossing your arms as this can send the message that you're closed off and not listening, even though that may not actually be the case. Our body language is often tied into our next area of discussion, which is our presence. Years ago, I had the wonderful privilege of attending an event hosted by Spike Lee. It was him and 1500 of his"closest friends", celebrating the anniversary of his first film,"She's Gotta Have It," I believe, as well as his production company. As a sidebar, I'll put a link to the Getty Images in the show notes for you to see some of the highlights from the event. And, if you're watching this on YouTube, you'll see that I'm providing photographic receipts of my attendance at this particular event. Cuz if you don't have receipts, did it really happen? You're gonna see photos of me with Dave Chappelle, Common, and Star Jones. So, if you compare the Getty Images and the outfits there to the images with me at the event with these celebrities, you'll see it's the same event. Okay, there's my receipts. Anyway, let me get back to the story. I can always talk about that event another time because there were some interesting stories that came out of that event. In fact, the picture that you will have seen on the screen with Star Jones and her then husband, Al Reynolds, was taken moments after Star and her husband were talking with Oprah. Yes, girl, that Oprah! I'on'care if you like her or not. Hunty, I was in the presence of THE Oprah Winfrey! Not once, but twice. And let me tell you, the"Oprah Effect" is real. Okay. So let me tell you about my experience with Oprah. I promise I'm tying this all back to you and I. As one of the escorts for the night, Ms. Jones was one of the celebrities that I escorted that evening. When we got into the theater, I needed to locate the seats for her and her husband. While I was doing that, she went to mix and mingle. After locating her seats, I then had to go and find her. Lord have mercy! When I tell you, I looked up and I had to just gather myself. I just had to pull myself together. Why was that woman standing with Gayle King, some other celebrities I don't even remember right now, because the next person I saw was THE Oprah Winfrey. I had to walk up. So I walked up, I waited for a brief break or lull in the conversation, and for them to turn and acknowledge me because they don't know me from Adam, the theater's kind of dark, and it's just a group of black women standing there talking. So they kind of turned to look at me thinking that I might have been another celebrity. I felt like one that night, I'll tell you that much. I then said TO OPRAH"Excuse me, Ms. Winfrey," and then I turned and I said,"Ms. Jones, I have your seats for you." She excused herself from the group and I walked her to her husband and then to their seats. And that's where she invited me to sit with her for the evening's entertainment. And again, that story's for another time, but let me get back to Oprah. So why did I fuss about her? Because her presence is real, captivating, and powerful. She can literally shift the energy and attention in the room. But she wields that power with humility and grace. Later that night, right before that picture was taken, Ms. Jones and Mr. Reynolds, and Ms. Winfrey were having a conversation. Again, I stood in awe of her presence. I was off to the side a little bit because I was escorting them out of the venue. I had been around celebrities before and were around hundreds of them that evening from basketball players to comedians to actors. George Lucas was there. So different directors. I was around them and I wasn't anywhere near as awestruck with them as I was with Oprah. Presence is the ability to use your physical and psychological dynamics to contribute to one's demeanor and influence. If I'm being honest, it's really hard to explain presence. So I'll simply say it's a person's vibe. It's their aura. Like Oprah or Beyonce, their very presence physically and their vibe automatically command attention and can shift the vibe of a room. So let's bring it closer to home. Think about your friend circle, male or female. Do you have one of those friends that's just a whole vibe? A whole vibe. What about a manager or senior leader that can make a vibrant office space feel like the air was sucked out of it and it can go silent when they walk into the room, or they walk into the cubicle space? That is presence. Presence impacts the people and spaces around them. How do you build confidence in using your presence which can also impact the spaces and people around you? It starts with your mindset. Thinking that you are insignificant, that your voice and contributions don't matter, or feeling that you will never be seen or heard will diminish your value, your worth, and your presence in your eyes and in the eyes of others. Shift that thinking to knowing that your voice and contributions matter. That you are going to do what it takes to be seen and heard. Raise your personal feelings about your value and worth, and you'll start to raise your presence as well. Embracing the thought that you will be seen and heard is the first step towards owning and using your presence. Add in your confident body language that we just talked about: having good posture, shoulders back, chin up, eye contact, and you're going to be a force to be reckoned with. Confident body language always, always, ALWAYS shifts the perception of one's presence in the eyes of others before it literally shifts it all the time. Practice entering rooms and spaces at home with confidence. Go out to eat or shop and walk with confidence. As you start to get a little bit more comfortable, try it in meetings, at conferences, and other events. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Presence also involves your active listening, emotional intelligence, and communication skills. Standing confidently and actively listening to someone helps them to feel seen and heard. That instantly raises your presence quotient in their minds and eyes. It's something they can literally feel. When you apply everything else we talked about so far your tone, your words and body language your presence, your aura, your vibe, YOUR Oprah effect can be felt. Avoid an arrogant presence though. We all know the types. They step into a space and do all the things to draw attention. In fact, they demand it rather than command it. You want to cultivate the type of presence that when you walk into a room, your presence alone just simply commands to be noticed and acknowledged. You don't have to say anything. You don't have to do anything. It's not giving off a certain attitude or air. It just is. Also avoid the begging presence. That's the person that comes in and is trying to be seen. They aren't sure what to do so they are overly smiling or overly helpful, overly talkative. If you saw the movie,"The Help," think of Celia Foote. From the way she dressed to how she talked in that sing songy kind of way. I can't do her voice. But you get what I'm saying. Congratulations, Hilly. I didn't know you were a fan of Minnie's pies. I've been wanting to talk to you all night. Minnie said why you won't be my friend. It's because you think me and Johnny went behind your back. Her word choices and her body language, everything about her presence begged to be acknowledged, everything. As Oprah came into the dining room where we were all eating, literally everyone stopped eating, stood up, and gave her a standing ovation. She was late arriving and we were already on the first or maybe the second course of the dinner. They didn't applaud her facetiously like, Well, look who's here." They genuinely got to their feet and applauded out of respect and appreciation for her. There was not a single thing about the way she came into that space that demanded their attention, or was even asking to be seen and acknowledged. She simply walked into the dining room and started walking to her table. It happened because her presence subtly commanded the attention. Her presence shifted the energy in the room. Remember, too, that presence is also intentional. That means you're in the moment giving attention to those around you with your eye contact, body language, and active listening. You're not sitting in a corner, nor are you doing everything possible to draw attention to yourself. Learning to use your presence in the ways I described will help you draw positive attention, garner a measure of respect(because, let's face it, everyone ain't gonna to love you...and so...they not like us), and it will also help you influence your space in a positive way. With the little practice, self-confidence, and time you, too, can command the room with your presence. The last piece of all of this has to do with space. So we're going to continue, in Part Three, talking about our space and then wrapping all of this together for our conclusion. I know your time is valuable and I appreciate you choosing to take the time to chat with me today. I hope our conversation helped you to see things more clearly. If you like this episode, don't forget to subscribe so you can always be alerted to my new episodes each week. Enjoy the rest of your day or night and let's get together again soon for some Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity.