Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity: Real Women, Real Talk for Personal and Professional Development
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Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity: Real Women, Real Talk for Personal and Professional Development
Touring the Home Within: A Journey of Mental Health and Self-Love
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SHOW DESCRIPTION
Feeling like you're crumbling inside, despite appearing perfectly fine on the outside? In this episode, I delve into my personal journey of navigating mental health challenges. After a wake-up call from dear friends, I embarked on a deep dive into my inner world to address the underlying issues. Join me as I discuss the importance of recognizing and overcoming mental health struggles, the power of building emotional resilience, and the invaluable role of a supportive network. Learn how to find healing, self-compassion, and love yourself from the inside out while embarking on a journey of lasting emotional well-being.
TL;DR
Struggling with inner turmoil despite appearing fine? This episode shares my personal journey of overcoming mental health challenges, emphasizing self-care, therapy, and building emotional resilience. Learn how to prioritize your mental well-being and love yourself from the inside out.
Time Stamps
00:00 Trigger Warning and Introduction
00:35 The Ideal House Tour
01:30 Welcome to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity
02:34 Discovering the Cracks
05:33 The House is Me
06:26 Intervention and Realization
10:44 Seeking Professional Help
12:25 Reflecting on the Year
16:49 Encouragement and Conclusion
CONNECT WITH ME:
RESOURCES
Note: I do not have any affiliations with, sponsorships or endorsements from any of the resources mentioned. They are listed for your reference.
Mental Health Resources
Ph: 988
National Institute of Mental Health
Sexual Violence Resources
Ph: 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Substance Abuse Resources
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Credits
Podcast Editor: Payton Cross Productions
Coming up next on Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity. My ideal house wasn't so ideal anymore. They gave me a much needed intervention regarding my mental health. They looked beyond the facade of the house, the beauty they saw on the inside and out, to see the bones of the house. I feel like I'm losing my life." I was on the verge of a cliff that I may go over and have great difficulty coming back from, if I even could. Before we start today's episode, I want to give a trigger warning. This episode includes brief mentions of ideation, depression, anxiety, things of the like. If your mental health is not in the best place, and while I would want you to listen to this episode, because it is about our mental health, I'm going to suggest that you meet me again next week for our next episode. And, in the meantime, take a look at the show notes so you can have some resources available to you that can help you through this challenging time. I recently took a tour of a home. It looked beautiful inside and out. Enough rooms and space for everyone in my family. A nice sized family room and a deck for me to entertain my family and friends. A decent sized office space for me to work and gather my thoughts and dance to my KPop. And the neighborhood even made me feel very comfortable. It seemed ideal and a perfect fit. I had my friends come and they walked through the house because they saw how much I loved it, they wanted to love it too, and they did. Since they want the best for me, they decided to take a closer look. That's when they pointed out to me some things that I had missed. Suddenly, my ideal house wasn't so ideal anymore. I'm so happy you're here. My name is Shai Boston, and it's a privilege to welcome you to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity: Real Women, Real talk. It's a safe space created for women like us who want to have authentic conversation around everything that impacts our life, careers, and relationships. Go ahead, grab your favorite beverage and get comfy. Now, let's have a chat. I appreciate you joining me today. In my glass, I have some Jack Daniels Honey, and it's on the rocks. It just seemed appropriate for today's episode. I also have water standing by because I almost always have water to drink. So I'm going to take my sip of my Jack honey. I'll take another one for good measure. Mmm. Okay, let's get into it. As we made our way to the back of the house, my friends were still very enthusiastic about what they saw. They loved the house and said it was amazing, how much they appreciated everything about it, but they did have some concerns. We took a moment away from the realtor so they could share their thoughts. They told me how much they loved the space of the house, that it was truly beautiful inside and out. During their inspection, though, they realized that while the facade of the house, inside and out looked great, there were some areas that had been repaired but may not have been fixed. In fact, they could see that there were some areas that looked like they were about to start leaking. They took me into one of the rooms and told me to look at the ceiling. Sure enough, you could see small lines in the ceiling indicating cracks. In other parts of the house, you could see where it looked like water had accumulated in some of the walls and ceiling, looking like little bubble pockets that could burst at the slightest touch. The more they pointed out what was wrong with that beautiful home, the more I realized it was going to need work. More work than I had anticipated. My friends told me to have heart. All it would take is calling in a specialist on top of the ones I had to inspect the home, to help make the repairs, and it would be good to go. They assured me that the house had good bones. I just needed to give it some more attention, and over time it would be good to go. Prior to all of this, when I was talking to my realtor about the house, she mentioned that I should really take a tour and give it a close look and make an evaluation. And I'm glad she did that. And I'm glad we did. I took what my friends said to heart and made some calls to a home inspector to get it more closely looked at. My"friends" are four of my closest friends. We call each other KBaes because we love all things Korean. Korean music, movies, culture, food, beverage...the men. We also love each other. I'm the oldest, so I'm called the eonni(언니) of the group, which is the Korean word for older sister. We share more than just a love of KCulture. We're spiritual sisters who also chose each other as family. We all have invisible illnesses. We have so much that we bond over and the beauty of this menage of women, two of us are 50, the other two are in their early 30s. So yeah, you've got Gen X chilling with some Millennials, and we love each other dearly. Did I already say that? Okay, anyway. The house in this story? The"house" is me. The"rooms" are my heart and my brain, and represent all the spaces where I have all the people that mean the most to me, and all the emotions I have for them and their situations. The"cracks" are for my mental strain of caring for so many along with the wear and tear from my own trauma and anxieties and invisible illnesses and other things. The"bubbles" in the walls and the ceiling filled with water, the bubble pockets? Those are the tears that I have kept holding back because I didn't have time for the mental and emotional breakdown I needed. I didn't have time or even the ability to cry. My girls and I were hanging out recently enjoying some much overdue time together. While we were chatting, I asked two of them what I thought was an innocent question. Something about their personal Bible study habits and how they managed it, since both of them are Neurodivergent like me. As we talked, I started expressing how I've tried several of their suggestions before. Each one shared their thoughts... and I simply said, I get it, I struggle with consistency and motivation." Then all three of them looked at each other. I said,"I have no desire to do anything. Not even the stuff that's most important to me." I wasn't thinking much of it until one of them said, Yeah, that's something we wanted to talk to you about. Friend, we don't think you're doing so good." I looked up, and their gazes were on me. Gently, they gave me a much needed intervention regarding my mental health. They looked beyond the facade of the house, the beauty they saw on the inside and out, to see the bones of the house. They looked beyond any cosmetics to the heart of the house. They could see that while there were some cosmetic fixes plastered walls, paint over old paint and wallpaper, new flooring over old there was serious work that needed to be done. My"realtor", that's my therapist. She mentioned to me some months back that she wanted me to review my year. To really look back on it, but in a way that's different from how most of us usually do it. She said,"Pretend you're doing a tour of a home. Walk through each room slowly. Make notes about the home, like a timeline, and write it down." I had done that but I didn't circle back until my friends did their intervention and expressed their concerns. They helped me walk through my"house" and pointed out things I had missed along the way. In comparing their mental notes to the ones I had written down from my own, and then also others I had stored in my head but hadn't quite gotten out yet, I can tell that my house was not in order. This is about real women and real talk, right? Well, here's the real and raw about Shai and her 2023/2024 year: I was, and still am, a hot mess. Now that has nothing to do with my professional knowledge and skills because those are on point. But Shai the person... whew child! Let me take a drink. While I'll keep some things to myself to protect my privacy, of my family and friends, and some things I'm just not comfortable sharing just yet, I will say this. I wrote the following in my journal. This was after my"tour.""I end the year mentally drained, overwhelmed, confused, exhausted. My spending was out of control... All of the great strides I made in rebuilding various parts of my life, everything is spiraling out of control, going to shambles. I feel defeated, deflated, and destroyed. I'm desperate to regain control, to figure things out." Then I read something that stopped me in my tracks, but it was exactly what my friends said was their chief concern. And it read, I feel like I'm losing my life." My friends felt I was on the verge of a cliff that I may go over and have great difficulty coming back from, if I even could. Upon all of those realizations, I called a"building inspector," a psychiatrist. What's the difference between a psychologist, a licensed therapist, and a psychiatrist? I actually thought they were all the same, except one, a psychiatrist, could prescribe medication. It's a little deeper than that. But to keep it simple: a licensed therapist, and there are different types, helps patients to manage their mental health through various forms of talk therapy and psychotherapy. A psychologist can run various psychological tests. They focus on behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and their bearing on one's mental health. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor that specializes in mental health. They look at patients from a mental and physical perspective, crafting plans to assist them with a wide range of treatments, including medication, if needed. Since I have a therapist, a psychiatrist was the next logical option. They will work in tandem to help me get better. And I'm actually looking forward to my appointment. I'm scared for a variety of reasons. I know though, it's the best thing for me to continue getting healthier in every way. Even though I didn't feel I had ideation, the fact is that there were words on paper from my heart that said I was perilously close to crossing a line. That's why I sit here, in front of you, no eyebrows, which you can probably see if you're watching me on YouTube. Not wearing any lip gloss. I'm wearing a bonnet, comfy clothes, got on one of my favorite KPop sweatshirts and minimal lighting. I have enough for you to kind of see me as clearly as possible. This is me and where I am today. Is this you? If so, and you've listened this far, I beg that you stay with me a little longer. If it's not you, and it's someone you love, I'm going to ask that you stay with me a little longer as well. It's not easy sharing this. I've thought it over for a long time. How much information should I share? How would this impact me professionally? Do I want to be this vulnerable? Will anyone even want to hear this? The conclusion I came to is that I'm sharing what I feel comfortable with. When I coach clients on their personal and professional development, this is part of my job to understand them and to empathize with them so I can help them realize their goals and continue being or becoming their best selves. It'll only make me better at my job when I can show up as myself, which I always strive to do. Being authentic is extremely important to me, and this is no different. I want my clients to know I get it, because I've been there and I'm working through it. And not only that, I'm not where I once was personally and professionally, and they don't have to be in their same spots either. Vulnerability? Just sharing this is vulnerable enough for me. And I'm sure, I'm sure, someone will want to hear this because they need to. They need to know that someone else is right there with them. And so I'm laying it all out there. Now that I have reviewed my year, or"toured my house", I'm ready to make the needed repairs. I'll be releasing this home from everything that was causing it to break down and refocusing my attention on loving it in whole once again. You can do the same. Take some time to"tour your home" and write down what you see. Ask some of your friends and family what they have observed about you at work, at home, and elsewhere. What do they have concerns about? Then get you a"realtor" or"building inspector," your therapist and/or psychiatrist to further help you through the situation. It's okay to admit we can't do this on our own. It's okay to acknowledge that you had a tough year. Maybe a tough few years, if you're like me. Maybe you were laid off or perhaps you've been unemployed or underemployed for months if not years. Maybe you had to make a decision between being a caregiver to your family and your job, and whatever decision that you made at that time, the sacrifice may have cost you in more ways than you knew it would. Did you fight your way through everything while your mental health was in tatters? Perhaps there were social and political situations that caused you to feel hopeless, angry, or afraid. Maybe things have happened that have you questioning your beliefs or your faith. Maybe you're an entrepreneur that can't figure out how to keep your doors open, make ends meet for your household, or you're questioning every business decision because nothing seems to be happening. It could just be the season that we're in and the time of year. I know it's a rough time a year for our family. Whatever it is, it's okay to acknowledge that you've had a tough time and need some help. I'm going to encourage you, as I said, to review your year. I'm going to encourage you to work through your emotional and mental health so you can release what's holding you back from moving forward and showing up as your best self. Then refocus on loving yourself. Like any good home we should examine it on occasion to make sure it's still in good repair. Once we identify areas of concern, we fix them instead of patching them because patches will only last so long before the real work needs to be done. So do the real work now. Then you can continue loving your house in all its glory. Indeed, you'll fall in love with it again. You'll see all of its beauty inside and out. You'll value it even more because of the hard work you put into it. It's never easy to admit that we need help in any way. Now is the time, though, for you to have the breakdown you didn't have time for this year. Last year. The year before and any other time past. Now is the time to show love to your home by really looking at it then repairing it. Be gentle as some areas will need more time to fix or determine what the problem is. At the end of the work, not only will your home have increased in value in your eyes, it will be as beautiful as you have ever wanted it to be. Now, by way of reminder, there are resources in my show notes that can further assist you in achieving this goal. As I continue to repair my home and showing it more love, I'll share more of my journey with you. Feel free to share some of yours with me as well. You can leave comments or reach out to me on social media. We're in this together. And I know you can do what it takes to get healthier in every way. I'm looking forward to doing this journey and to do it with you. I want to see how much work we've done to our beautiful homes by the end of next year. I want to see our homes standing tall, looking as beautiful as ever, filled with so much love. And you know what? You can do it. We got this, girl. I know your time is valuable and I appreciate you choosing to take the time to chat with me today. I hope our conversation helped you to see things more clearly. If you like this episode, don't forget to subscribe so you can always be alerted to my new episodes each week. Enjoy the rest of your day or night and let's get together again soon for some Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity.
