Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity: Real Women, Real Talk for Personal and Professional Development
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Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity: Real Women, Real Talk for Personal and Professional Development
Don't Reward the Negative: Breaking Free from Self-Sabotaging Thoughts
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SHOW DESCRIPTION
Have you ever noticed how mean you can be to yourself? In this episode, I'm looking at the impact of negative self-talk and why it's time to change our personal narratives. I'll share some of my own struggles, and you'll hear about a powerful conversation I had with an amazing author that totally shifted my perspective. We'll talk about the importance of rewarding positivity, appreciating the journey, and reframing those negative thoughts into something more empowering. No more blame game! Let's focus on turning challenges into opportunities for growth and build from where we are right now. This episode is all about attracting more positivity into your life and learning to truly appreciate the beauty of your journey.
TL;DR
This episode focuses on the harmful effects of negative self-talk and the importance of changing your inner narrative by emphasizing the importance of reframing negative thoughts, rewarding positivity, and appreciating your journey.
Time Stamps
00:00 Introduction to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity
00:04 The Power of Positive Self-Talk
00:40 The Impact of Journaling
01:31 Welcome and Episode Overview
02:26 Personal Reflections and Negative Self-Talk
05:41 Society's Reward of Negativity
06:51 Reframing and Embracing Positivity
08:37 Appreciating the Journey
10:50 Fan Appreciation and Conclusion
CONNECT WITH ME
RESOURCES
Note: I do not have any affiliations with, sponsorships or endorsements from any of the resources mentioned. They are listed for your reference.
Mental Health Resources
Ph: 988
National Institute of Mental Health
Sexual Violence Resources
Ph: 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Substance Abuse Resources
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Credits
Podcast Editor: Payton Cross Productions
Coming up next on Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity. I would inadvertently talk negatively about myself and not even realize it. Whatever stage you are in your life at this moment, change the narrative. Don't reward the negative. When we talk to ourselves in the way we deserve, we are rewarding positivity. The more positive we become, the more our mind and subconscious will reward us mentally and physically. You can't appreciate the beauty if you're moving too fast to see it. I was having a conversation with an author not long ago, you'll hear that interview soon, and she said something very profound to me. She was talking about journaling, something that I tend to struggle with, but do on occasion. She said that, in effect, writing in our journal is a way for us to tell ourselves what's going on inside of us. Now that blew my mind because I had never thought of journaling that way. I just saw it as an exercise of putting what was in my brain out on paper. But the reality is that our minds and subconscious are always trying to communicate with us. And when I realized what was being said, I knew that I had to make a change. What's up ladies? I'm Shai Boston. It's great you found this safe space dedicated to women like us who want to have authentic conversations around everything that impacts our life, careers, and relationships. For the next few minutes, let's connect and engage more deeply with ourselves and each other. Get ready to have some Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity. Today, I am drinking strawberry Fanta. I had some Popeye's earlier. Yes, some delicious Popeye's chicken, and I have to have a strawberry Fanta when I am eating my Popeye's. I saved a little bit for this episode. So I'm going to take my sip as is tradition. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. Now let's get into it. Do you have conversations with yourself? I do all the time. I just need the expert opinion of myself. But seriously, when I talk to a lot of my sistafriends and I ask them if they have conversations with themselves, most of them do and the topics are wide-ranging. What most of us won't admit, though, is what we truly say to ourselves. Even just in passing. And that got me to thinking, what are the things that I say to myself, even in passing, that my mind and subconscious then have to process? I really didn't think that I talked negatively to myself. I honestly didn't. Until I started reviewing what I had written in my journal. I found that there were times I used words like shame, defeated, frustrated, deflated. You know, things like that. And usually they were regarding something that was done to me or the results of something I had done. I especially expressed such feelings when it came to my business and some of the challenges that I faced during some really challenging times. Then I read in between the lines and noticed that there were things I said in passing to myself that were manifested in my writings. Sometimes, I'd look in the mirror and I say that I looked a mess because I didn't get my makeup put on the way that I wanted. Not reframing that as I'm a novice and still learning even at my big age. Other times, I'd make comments about my health, my weight, how disappointed I might be because I didn't lose weight or that my health wasn't improving, not even remotely giving myself credit for the efforts that I am making to make changes in those areas. I'd started a blame game with myself. I realized that some of these comments I would say to myself while getting dressed, maybe after trying on clothes at a clothing store or after a doctor's visit where I get told, yet again, that I needed to lose weight. My point is that I would inadvertently talk negatively about myself and not even realize it. I'm not talking imposter syndrome and I'm not talking about every now and then acknowledging a mistake. I'm sure you've done it, too. I'm sure, you know, the times when we say things like,"Oh, I'm so stupid. Why didn't I see that coming?" Or"I hate that I can't even do..." you know, things like that. The reality is that we are criticizing ourselves. Saying negative things without even realizing it, gets internalized. That ends up manifesting itself in other ways. That can come out in poor mental and physical health, weight gain, destructive habits and tendencies, overworking ourselves, accepting things in a relationship we otherwise wouldn't, doting excessively on our children. You know, we either overcompensate or overtax ourselves in some way. When I was giving this some thought, I saw a quote by someone that basically said, negative thinking is rewarded in our society. Now, there are people who get paid just to look for problems and to solve them, and there's nothing wrong with that. Many of us get paid or receive benefits if we're able to solve a problem for a company or a client, but I want us to think on a different level. Think of how many social media channels make money off of negativity. Whether they're spilling the tea, spreading falsehoods and lies, or doing something extra. They are more likely to be rewarded than those who are spreading love and light, so-to-speak. There are those who even set out to tear down those who are more positive because there just has to be something that they're hiding. See, negativity. I don't want us to do that to ourselves. I don't want us to reward negative thinking within ourselves, no more than I want us speaking negatively to ourselves and others. I want us to change the narrative and reframe our thinking. I'm not saying it's easy. It will take conscientious effort, for sure. Something you may want may not be what you need right now. You just may not know it yet. So what can you do? Avoid talking negatively about it. Look at it from a different perspective. What lessons are you learning? Are you enjoying the ride? What discoveries have you made about your strengths? What are the positive changes you have made on this journey resulting in a better you? Or starting your business or growing your business? Or working towards a promotion? While you're looking for a job? Or now that you're postpartum? Whatever stage you are in your life, at this moment, change the narrative. Don't reward the negative. At times we may look behind us and see some of the pieces that have been chipped away from us due to one life experience or another. Sometimes it's whole pieces. You may not be able to pick those pieces up to rebuild. Some are too sharp and will cut you again. Some pieces you realize you just don't need at all. And some pieces simply need to remain where they are. That's why you should start with where you are now. And with what you have remaining. Build from there. Take time to enjoy the journey and process of rebuilding. Now, I'm not saying it won't be painful or challenging or even hard. I'm saying that there can be beauty in the journey. If we're in a rush to get somewhere, we could be missing what's being given to us right now, which is opportunities for continued growth and self improvement, recognizing the value of our support systems, maybe even understanding the need to slow down our pace of life, or we might have improvements in our mental and physical health. There's beauty in our journeys as much as there is in achieving our goals. But you can't see the beauty if you're not looking for it to begin with. You can't appreciate the beauty if you're moving too fast to see it. Reaching our goals is important. Yes, it takes time. While you're waiting to reach your goals, appreciate the opportunity given to us to even strive for these goals. Appreciate the time it will take and value it because you won't have it again. And there will be some wonderful lessons and experiences along the way that will help you continue to grow. As we do this, we'll uncover the positive things to say to ourselves about the journey. Let's reward positive talk about ourselves and the positive conversations we have with ourselves. We'll face many challenges. That's just the facts of life. When we choose to reframe those challenges into building blocks, we choose to reward positivity. When we can stand in front of a mirror and embrace every perceived flaw, we are rewarding positivity. When we read our journals, we'll see the changes inside ourselves. There will still be some negative talk and moments, but they will be farther and fewer between. The more positive we become, the more our mind and subconscious will reward us mentally and physically. Those rewards pay off in much bigger dividends than negativity. Since we attract more of what we think and say, we'll attract more positivity into our lives. And speaking of positivity, I want to thank one of my fans who took the time to write in and let me know how much they appreciate this podcast. I am very grateful and truly humbled that you love the podcast and feel it is beneficial to you and would benefit others you know. If you're that fan from Haddonfield, New Jersey, please reach back out to me and provide me your contact information, the same way you reached out before, and just put your information into the message, and I will not publish it. You asked me to reach out to you, but I didn't have your contact information. So as soon as I get it, I will follow up with you. With all of that said, let's think about today's show. Let's change our personal narratives. Change our conversations with ourselves. Whenever possible, reframe the negatives into the positives. Welcome these changes and all the rewards that come with them. Thank you for taking a few minutes out of your day to chat with me. If you want to continue the conversation, follow me on social media. I'm@ShaiBoston on Instagram, Threads, and Facebook. I hope you have a good rest of the day and a restful night. I'll see you next time for more Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity.
