Navigating Betrayal in Business and Personal Relationships

SHOW DESCRIPTION

Have you ever felt blindsided by someone you trusted? In this episode of Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity, I share a deeply personal story of betrayal by a business associate that left me emotionally shattered and questioning my own judgment. From the initial excitement of a promising partnership to the devastating realization of being ghosted and taken advantage of, I recount my journey of recovery, resilience, and the valuable lessons learned. Join me as we explore how to protect ourselves in business and personal relationships, rebuild trust, and move forward without letting past hurts define our future. Grab your favorite drink and let’s dive in!

TL;DR

Hear my personal story of being betrayed by a business associate. I talk about the emotional impact, the journey of recovery, and lessons learned about protecting yourself in business and personal relationships, rebuilding trust, and moving forward.

Time Stamps

00:00 Introduction and Emotional Turmoil

01:20 Welcome to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity

02:33 Starting a Travel Agency

03:59 The Big Opportunity

07:12 The Betrayal Unfolds

13:47 Lessons Learned and Moving Forward

26:38 Final Thoughts

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Suicide and Crisis Lifeline 

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Credits

Podcast Editor: Payton Cross Productions 

Transcript

0:00

Coming up next on Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity. I stood there completely in shock and then I got angry and then I started crying because I was hurt. I put my all into trying to make that relationship work, to help him see my value. All for him to demonstrate in every way possible that I was worthless to him. Don't be so blind that you don't see that you are wanting something more than the other person. I was absolutely shocked. Then I was angry, still am. Then I was hurt. And I cried. I cried so hard that I almost felt like I was broken. I didn't know how I was going to recover from it. Then I felt guilt, shame. I blamed myself. Like, how did I let this even happen to me? It took a long time for me to work through all of those feelings and work through everything. I just knew I needed to figure out how to prevent this from happening to me and my business ever again. Hi ladies, I'm Shai and I'm so excited to welcome you to Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity. As a woman navigating my own journey, I've experienced the ups and downs, the triumphs and challenges that come with being a woman in today's world. I created this podcast as a space for us to have authentic conversations and connections to share stories and inspire each other. Let's break down barriers, celebrate our successes and support one another on this journey together. So take a sip, sit back and let's have a chat. Today I'm sipping on a little White Hennessy on the rocks. What are you having? I wanted something that was smooth, light, refreshing, those good things. I hope you have something similar too, whether you're listening to me in the morning, the afternoon, or the evening. I'm going to take a sip. Woo, that's a kick. All right. Now let's get into it. Several years ago, I owned my own Travel Agency. Although I had been in the travel industry for many years, it wasn't easy starting and running my own agency, especially since I had never run a business before. So this was all new to me and I was eager to try to make something happen. It didn't help that I had moved to a new area and was still trying to get the lay of the land. During this time, I was trying anything I could. Basically, I did what a lot of people do. I was throwing stuff out there and seeing what would stick. I don't always recommend that, however. There's a time and a place for it. I didn't have much financial capital to do marketing. So I was working to find and build connections outside of the travel industry and doing what I could. And the reason for that is that almost everyone I knew either worked in the industry or had relatives that did. So nobody would be interested in working with a travel agent and risk losing incredible employee or friends and family discounts through their connections. And trust me, those were some great discounts. That's the one thing I do miss about working for the cruise line. Anyway, I wasn't alone in my effort to generate leads for my new travel agency. Thanks to a few great colleagues and some friends, I was starting to get referrals. And one of those great friends, I will call her Annalise. She called me up and told me she had a great referral for me. I knew that I could trust her, as I had known her for years and actually I was her trainer when she started working at the company that I used to work at. She was a hard worker. A go-getter, and was always striving to improve herself while helping others around her. To this day, she's still one of my biggest supporters and I'm only using an alias to protect her as the innocent party in all of this. Anyway, she called me up and told me she had a big connection for me. This person had been trying to work with my former employer and needed more services than the company was willing to give. She had told him about me and said he was interested in speaking with me, especially given my experience. I was way too excited! This could be the one thing, the one thing that can help"make" my agency... here's the too long didn't read. It almost broke me and my agency. I called this guy up and let's call his name James". He was the founder of a large networking and business organization in Florida, primarily for Black and Caribbean people. He was closely associated with many of my former co-workers and others that I knew. I was also familiar with him and his organization. So that lead that was given to me by Annalise was going to be a good one. To keep a long story short, over a course of many months, he and I had a series of conversations about how we could work together. We started with understanding each other's businesses and expertise. From there, we started working on a cruise group that he was interested in putting together. I held the space, which means that I booked the staterooms on the ship and the sailing that we agreed upon, and we were now in the process of marketing and selling the staterooms. He printed marketing materials with my agency contact information on it. He hosted a networking event in my area. That's where I got to speak to different ones about the trip. And I even had a table at the event where his guests could come and express their interest in the trip. So things seemed to be moving forward nicely. Because he had a relatively aggressive agenda for events that he wanted to do, I started putting together a calendar of travel events that he can do because he wanted to do retreats and things like that. I started making the connections so that we can start bringing all of this together and bridging them together and put together a calendar. I essentially created an entire travel and event game plan for him. I was excited. I was encouraged. I was enthusiastic. It seemed like a really great fit. He was encouraging me every step of the way. He was excited about everything that I was doing and sharing with him. The one thing that James was not doing was agreeing to sign an exclusive contract with me. He would say, let's talk about it during our next meeting. We talk about everything else and then run out of time to talk about the contract. I emailed the contract and asked him to sign it. He'd email me back stating he had questions or wanted to tweak something. And this went on for longer than I really will care to admit, but it went on for a long time. Then one day, silence. He wasn't answering my phone calls. He wasn't returning my messages. He would read emails, but not respond back. Before it was even a thing I was ghosted. My next line of defense was to call up my girl. Annalise was HOT that he had done this. She tried reaching out to him herself, got no answer. She was angry because now he not only did this to me, but because her name and reputation were now involved. At this point, I didn't know what else to do. I was in shock and disbelief that someone would do this, especially someone that had so many mutual ties to myself. And then I started to worry, on the flip side, that maybe something happened, like happened to him or something like that and nobody was communicating with me. My sistafriend, though, was relentless. She kept looking and digging and she made a discovery, which I had not seen as of yet. She found that he booked the same cruise, but through a different travel agency. It was a much larger and more well-known one. In fact, all the information that was on the marketing, his websites, the printed materials, that sort of a thing, all of it now reflected this new agency. Of course, I tried calling and reaching out. I wanted to know if he wanted me to work in harmony with this other agency, which isn't something unusual and unheard of. Maybe he wanted them to take the lead because they were a larger agency. There were certain things that they would be able to do that I as a smaller agency might not have been able to do, but there was nothing, crickets, complete silence. I had gotten got. To add insult to injury, I received a phone call one day. There was a very nice and chipper young man on the other end of the line. He stated his name and where he was calling from. He advised me that I was on the mailing list for James's organization, and he wanted to know if I had heard about the cruise that was being done. I was floored. And I was pissed. I said curtly,"Yes, I know about the cruise. I was the original travel agent. Please remove me from your call and mailing list. Thank you." Then I slammed the phone down. Yes, this was a desktop phone and a landline and I slammed it down, which brought me a small measure of satisfaction. And then I stood there completely in shock and then I got angry and then I started crying because I was hurt. I put my all into trying to make that relationship work, to help him see my value. All for him to demonstrate in every way possible that I was worthless to him. My husband was angry, and I'm sure when he listens to this episode, he's going to get angry all over again, because he also had not let go of his feelings around this situation. He was ready to just go out and get some revenge to do something about it. I was there too. But the reality is that I'm petty, but I'm not a revenge person. And it took all I had to hold him back. I called up Annalise and I told her of this new development. She was still very angry! She told me she will never work with him again. Never helping with anything else again. And she would not support him in any way. While I still had many tears that I shed, I did do one thing. I sent him an email and an invoice. The email stated that if he wasn't satisfied with my service, he could have told me. If he wanted to go in a different direction- such as working with a larger agency- he could have told me. He didn't have to pretend that he wanted to work with me and pick my brain. He didn't even have to lead me on like that. You see what he didn't know about me is that I would have shared just as much information with him anyway. I do that with people. I don't gatekeep. Now, he had lost someone that was once in his corner and willing to help him. I then told him that I was attaching an invoice for my services. So I charged him for my knowledge, which was, and still is invaluable, my experience, my skills, my labor, the documents that I produced for him and shared with him, that I'm pretty sure he took and ran with elsewhere. And I believe I charged him somewhere in the ballpark of like$5,000 or something. And then I said,"Not that I'd expect you to pay it based on your track record." I knew he'd never pay it, and I never expected him to pay it. The email was never acknowledged. And to this day, he's never said a word and it's been at least a decade or so. He's never even remotely apologized, nor did I expect him to. He felt I wasn't worth his time, his effort, his consideration, nothing else. He used me and he left me. Whether in business or personal relationships, we may experience something similar. We meet, start getting to know each other, put forth our best effort based on good intentions, and then we find ourselves out in the cold. Not necessarily because of our doing. The other person simply got what they wanted and left. Although that situation was painful for me in many ways that I can't even begin to put into words for you, I'm still not afraid to take risks. Taking risks in our business and personal relationships is one of the most frightening things that we can do, especially if you have been hurt or suffered damages in some way. It can make us hesitant with the next person or opportunity. But I don't want us to shy away from taking risks. We will do what we can to prepare and protect ourselves, but we can't back away. If we shield ourselves from all possible risks, we will never live. Our businesses will never thrive and grow. And we will become a shell of a person out of fear. Instead, use that fear to move forward more cautiously. Whether in business or in personal relationships, you don't have to show your full hand ever! And if you do, just be prepared to have it accepted, rejected, or in the case of business ideas, stolen. So you can hold your cards a little closer to the vest, but don't be afraid to sit down and play the game. Remember what happened. Don't forget how you felt. But don't bring that into your new or next relationship or opportunity. We all have baggage. In business, it could be from past dealings with partners, collaborators, vendors, employees. In our personal lives, it could be family, friends, former partners. Building new relationships takes time and effort and a measure of trust. Don't lose your trust bringing your baggage into the new relationship. Don't unpack your baggage with the new relationship until it's truly appropriate to do so, it's truly safe, and it's a relationship filled with mutual trust and respect. Don't assume that the next person or opportunity you encounter is going to do you the same as the person or people that did you wrong. Just don't judge the new people and new opportunities harshly. Be cautious. Yes, for sure. Judge them on their own merits. Get to know them as individuals before lumping them into the group of people that hurt you the most. One thing I did have to admit to myself, though, I played a role in what happened to me. I don't blame myself, but I did play a role. I was a bit too eager, and that may have read as being desperate. I don't know but that's his choice how he read me. But I do admit that I was a bit eager, because I was excited and willing to do what I could to make the relationship work. And that's a big life lesson for life, love, business, whatever. Don't be so blind that you don't see that you are wanting something more than the other person. It was a reminder to me to hold back some, to slow down. When we do that, we'll see the red flags that we're missing while trying to hunt for the green ones. If I had done that, I wouldn't have ignored my gut that told me not to do another thing until he signed a contract. If I had followed that advice, I would have reached out to the many people who were mutually connected to us and asked them what I needed to know and what I didn't know. If I had followed my advice, I would have seen that this man never intended to work with me. He only wanted the expertise I could offer, but not the package that it came in. Even in our personal relationships, we sometimes think that we didn't play a role in what happened in the relationship. And while this could be true in some cases, it's not true in the vast majority. That's because we may ignore, accept, or dismiss certain behaviors. Again, it's not blaming ourselves, but it's recognizing that sometimes the signs were there and we just didn't read them. You may have ignored the times that he gave a lame excuse for not calling you. You dismissed him because he was saying that he needed to work or he had some other excuse and you dismissed all of that when he didn't come to see about you when you were sick. Perhaps you dismissed the fact that he always wanted to know where you were and who you were with, but he didn't want to share that same information. You may not have wanted to admit that he was controlling and you accepted that behavior when he told you what he does and doesn't like about you and how you dress, and your friends, and your family, and your job, and the, and the, and the... Maybe you thought it was sweet and cute how he ordered for you at the restaurant until you realized he always orders for you and you never get to make your own choices. At work, you may have thought that you had a boss that valued your contributions to the team until you realized they never mention your name or give you credit for your work. Maybe they take the credit, but you chalked it up and just said,"It's okay. They'll give me credit next time. Right?" Or, maybe they give you credit, but then they're questioning your project management or other skills. But that's okay too because you'll work harder to show them what you can do. Maybe they praise you in public and then ding you on your performance reviews, always giving out a"Meets Expectations" when they told you all year that you were"Exceeding Expectations." And, again, you soon realized that you haven't been advocating for yourself, nor have you been keeping the records you should, which would prove what you have done throughout the year. Maybe you're a business owner and in your business, perhaps you're working and building relationships. You've been networking hard. Now there's someone who's saying they want to collaborate and build together with you, yet you're the one that's doing all the work. They aren't introducing you to people as they said they would because they're suddenly too busy or have other priorities. Maybe they're relying on you to do all the work for the presentation only to take over the meeting and present as if they know everything. And because you're excited about the possible collaboration and partnership, you don't even bother to speak up. You don't advocate for your business or your business ideas. My point is that in most situations, we can look to see what we could have done differently to help minimize the situation that we find ourselves in. Now, don't get me wrong. Let me be very clear about this. I am not saying it's your fault that he cheated or you lost thousands of dollars in a business deal. Or any number of other things. The reality is, we know that there are those people out there that are good at being conniving, conning, grooming. Taking advantage of others. So don't use what I'm saying as a way of looking through a lens of self-punishment and self-blame. Use what I'm saying as a way of talking to yourself and asking yourself, What did I miss, if anything? What did I learn? What will I do differently next time? How will I protect myself going forward without shutting myself off from the people and opportunities that may come to me? I do not blame myself for what happened to me. I blame him because he was conniving and manipulative. I do not blame myself for being excited and eager. I should have been. I will not hold back from being excited about new opportunities or being eager to make something come about if it seems like a good opportunity. Knowing that there are people out there like him, though, that would take advantage of my eagerness and my excitement? I express my enthusiasm, but now it's tempered. I don't blame myself for taking a risk. I learned to take risks more cautiously. I do not blame myself for anything I did when I was working with James. I realized that I needed to get a little more experience, remember my negotiation skills, and to speak up for myself throughout the process. I learned that I can stand my ground, especially if I prepare myself to walk away from a situation that is not serving my needs, never served my needs or was never intended to serve my needs. I learned, and was reminded through that experience, that I still had a measure of control and I do not have to give up whatever percentage of control that I do have. I can wield it to my advantage or I can use my control and walk away. Not that I think he's listening, but if this should find a way to him, I just simply want to say, Do Better! You were a grown behind man with much business savvy that took advantage of someone that was new in business and eager to work with you. You could have done so much more in helping a budding business and entrepreneur. You could have advocated for me. You advocate helping people within our community, yet you preyed on them as well. I know I wasn't the only one. I later found that out. You no longer matter in my life. Except as a lesson in the book that I study on what not to do and how not to lead. My resolve to work with honor and integrity, to be authentic, regardless to what others may think, you were part of the reason why I do and continue to do business that way. I did it before I met you and for sure continued afterwards. You almost, almost crushed my spirit and my dreams. You couldn't though, because my spirit and my dreams are bigger than you. Thank you for being the jerk that you were. You helped me to closely see who I never want to be and who I never want to work with. Those types of people. Y'all, let's learn from the Jeromes of the world. Yeah, that's his real name. And yes, I'm still connected to him, in certain ways. I did that so that I don't forget. I did that so I can move in the shadows and keep tabs. I did that just in case the urge to ever become petty... Sistafriends, whatever your circumstances or situations are that you're reflecting on while listening to this episode, I want you to remove yourself from blame. I don't blame myself for what happened between me and him. Don't blame yourself for whatever it is you are blaming yourself for. We are all going to learn, grow, and move on. We don't have to forget, but we can leave it all behind us. And now that I'm here, I'm not going back. And now that you're here, neither should you. I know your time is valuable and I appreciate you choosing to take the time to chat with me today. I hope our conversation helped you to see things more clearly. If you like this episode, don't forget to subscribe so you can always be alerted to my new episodes each week. Enjoy the rest of your day or night and let's get together again soon for some Coffee, Cocktails, and Clarity.